A Very Chrimeny Christmas Special

Dear Santa,

Let me start of by saying that you shouldn't listen to anyone else. I've totally been good this year like always. Anything you might have heard is some kind of slanderous attack on my little character and stuff. I know you understand that because we talk like all the time. Well, you never write me back, but seeing as this is my 53rd letter to you this month I'd say we talk alots. I'm a good person. The bestest person.

So anyway this letter is to inform you that you no longer need to bring a way to get on OWF television. I managed to get that myself. I know, I keep getting the things I asked you for and then have to ask for new stuff. It's totally not my fault and stuff. That CJ guy gave me the TV time because he knows amazingly special when he sees it. See, even strangers want to give me Christmas gifts. Even they know I've been good.

With that said, I have revised my list. I don't expect you to bring everything on it of course. I'm not rude. Just make sure you have half of it under my tree when I wake up on Christmas morning and we will continue to get along just fine. Anyways here's my listy:

1. A new blowtorch:

Daniel and Lelani won't let me have one of these again and I totally need it. They're being meanies. They're just jealous of when I fixed all the stuff in the old mansion before it burned down for no reason. It's not my fault I'm so darned handy.

2. Moon Engraving:

I want my name carved into the moon with a LASER. LASERS are neat. LASER. I totally deserve my name where everyone can see it. Even super scary space aliens want to be able to bask in my awesomeness. Plus, this gift would go so super great with:

3. A Moon Base:

Yeppers, I'm a genius. I want my own moon base to do super cool stuff from. It has to come with a spaceship though, because how else can get to and from it? Exactly, duh. From my moon base I will be able to watch the world and then like swoop in like a tera...tyra..ptera...like a flying dinosaur and stop no good, smelly, dirty, poor people from being the terrible criminals they all are. See, this gift totally helps people.

4. An OWF contract

For some reason CJ didn't beg me to join OWF. I know! I'm assuming he realized I was too good for the place. I mean I am the bestest wrestle chick ever. I didn't make myself be the Pretty Pretty Princess Champion for nothing. I still have my beautiful title as no one would dare think they could beat me for it. I did spend an hour making that belt afterall.

5: A Unicorn:

This one is pretty self-explainatorian. It's a unicorn.

6. Bianca Autumn:

Though she has done a lot of bad things to me, dresses inappropriately, says dirty things, isn't as good a wrestler as me, and hangs out with a girl with a hairy chest, I still miss her. She is my biggest fan afterall. So just wrap her up in ribbons and a bow. Also you might want to tape her mouth shut or she'll use yucky language at you. For that I am sorry. She can't help herself.

7. More Plush Friends:

Though the fire department of Whatever, Arizona is fleshist (prejudiced against plush people), I am not. I would like to have more plush friends to spend time with. However, please don't send anymore like Battle. That stuffed bat is still plotting against me. I'm worried she is going to do something terrible. So no evil ones. Just good ones that do whatever I tell them. I know, that was like saying "good" twice.

8. My Own Castle:

See Moon Base. Also I want it to be pink and come with a stuffed dragon as big as me to protect it.

That's all I'm going to ask for for me. I think it would be like wrong and stuff to ask for more for myself. So instead, I'm going to ask you for stuff for other people now. Here's a list of people and what you should get them:

You need to get him like a pencil and paper. That way when I tell him to do something he gets it right. Too many times he's given the wrong entrance music to places and I've had to plug my ears to walk down to the ring. This is not okay. He should know better.

A lifetime supply of coffee. She's sleeping like a whole 6 hours a night. That leaves her only like...carry the 1....only like 20 hours to do what I say....wait...she says it's 18. Oh no, that's even worse. So yeah, even though coffee is gross and yucky she could use it.

Poor Smelly Criminals:
Could you please get them a gas chamber they can walk into on their own? I could hang up a quarter and they could walk in and the problem would be solved. My original idea was to put them on an island, but they would just then be poor smelly criminals on an island and we can't have that.

Kid Dynamo:
Refer to "Poor Smelly Criminals" section of my most eloq...elefent of letters.

My Fans:
Well obviously, everyone is my fan. Even dirty poor people. So this is for my fans that are good and follow the Pretty Pretty Princess way. Please give them all a picture of me and a stick of gum. If they run into me they are to chew said gum as I want their breath to be talking fresh. Also tell them good work on wanting to be me.

I know this letter is short compared to the 52 others. I just thought I'd make it easier on you Santa. I know you have a couple houses to visit this year. I do think you should be careful about which houses you actually at the food at. What if the people were gross and didn't wash their hands...or worse yet what if the cookies they put out were generic? Yeah, makes you think doesn't it? That's what I'm here for. Have a super great Christmas and I look forward to my awesome gifts.

Your favorite person,
the bestest wrestle chick ever,
the Pretty Pretty Princess Champion,

Chrimeny Christmas

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