Princesses and Champions

(The sound of a saw working its way through solid matter fills my cute little ears. I'm the pretty one in the white labcoat and goggles. I used to think the goggles messed up my hair too much, but I've learned they are essential to the kind of the kind of dangerous work I'm doing. All this sawing sure is tiring, but it's gonna be totally worth it. Standing off to my side, out of harm's way is Lelani. She's an alright friend/personal helper type. I finally finish sawing and hand the saw to her. Now I get to hear my spiffy voice as I ask for another thing. I know she loves assisting me. Who wouldn't?)

Chrimeny: Blowtorch.

(I hold my hand out and ever so patiently wait. Three seconds later I still don't have my blowtorch. What is up with that? I look over at her through my goggles and see her mouth start moving. She better be about to tell me my blowtorch will be in my hand in a couple of seconds.)

Lelani: You don't need a blowtorch for this.

(I'm pretty sure last time I looked that that is the wrong answer! It's so hard to find good help...heck, it's hard to find competant help. I sigh loudly. I can't help it. I find this to be rather distressing. Here all I asked for was a little blowtorch. How difficult is that request? I stomp my feet a couple times and try to make my point in an intellectual manner.)

But I want it!

(I'm sure that made her understand my need for this item.)

You will just end up setting a fire that I will have to put out. You don't need the blowtorch.

(Apparently not. Am I on some strange planet or a candid camera type of show? That's gotta be it. I mean who says no to me? Exactly, no one.)

I need that blowtorch for this oh so special project. It's on my list of things I need. Just give it to me! Now!

(Just when I think she might listen to my request like she should, she instead speaks again. I must be dreaming. Sure I'm all pouty and whiny right now. Who wouldn't be? How difficult is it to get one little thing?)

Chrimeny we don't even have a blowtorch. Plus you are afraid of fire. Please just move on.

(I didn't say I was gonna turn it on. What do you think I am, an idiot? Fire is dangerous. Of course I can't let it be her telling me what to do that causes me to change my mind. She has nothing to do with it. I've just thought about it is all. I changed my mind. I can do that.)

You know what, I don't want some smelly, old blowtorch. I changed my mind. Only cause I felt like it though. Okay give me the glue.

(She does as she's told like she always does. Now I have my special bottle of Elmer's glue. This stuff is great. I twist the top and turn it over. After shaking it to get the glue to the top of the bottle I begin. Careful Chrimeny, this has to be perfect. Slowly I apply the glue everywhere it is required. Let me tell you...there is a lot of it. I would never tell anyone, but this stuff actually tastes pretty good too. That'll be my little secret. Can you imagine the tabloid scandals that would come if I was found out to be a...paste eater. It would be horrific. After my steady hand finishes its work, I hand the glue back to Lelani. Almost there.)


(My extanded hand is thrice filled with a different container of glitter. I've got pink, gold, and blue. This is gonna be so cool. I've gotta contain my excitement though. Don't wanna mess this up. I pick up the pink first and begin to put it on specific parts of the glue. It's getting all pretty already. I am soooo good at this.)

My Draco knew what he was doing when he booked my match. Though, I hate to admit it. He knows how horrible poor people are and how dangerous and criminal they are. He also knows that I really don't want to be in the ring with someone like that. At the same time he knows it will help me in my goal of saving the world if he puts me against people like that. He has me facing the poorest of the poor. That Katie girl is a farmer. A dirty, no good farmer. Not only does she play in the dirt all the time, but she's super poor. That makes her one of the most dangerous criminals around. Draco must have wanted me to help in removing the worst criminals from his roster. There's isn't much better place to start.

(I set the pink container of glitter down and pick up the blue. Lelani sighs before speaking.)

I'm sure that's exactly what he was thinking.

(How could someone not agree with me. Still, her sighing before saying it makes me wonder if she really agrees with me. I can't tell over the sound of pouring glitter on stuff. Okay so I'm just really focused on what I have to say and really don't care what she said. That's not a bad thing. It just means I'm like artistic and stuff. Yeah.)

After I beat her up and arrest her for her crimes against....uhm....ahhh...humanity Draco will try to take me to his castle for cheese and crackers. Hopefully he realizes that it's going to take more than promises of snack foods to get a date with me. I mean c'mon, I'm better than him and we both know it. Oh well, I think it's all cute anyway. Now what was I talking about?

(I switch to the gold glitter now. I'm nearly done with this masterpiece. That's when my train of thought comes back.)

Oh yeah, I remember. I was talking about Cowboy Katie Clark. Apparently if you're a farmer you're also a cowboy. That kinda makes sense. All cowboys were criminals in the past. Even the Dallas Cowboys. Well she won't be lassoing me and trying to get me hooked on drugs that make you see sharks on the grass. No way. Ooooh. Oooh. Oooh. I think I'm done. Cowboy Katie should just run away now. There's now way she can beat....

(I life up my project. Glitter slides off of it. I look at it in all its glory. It's beautiful. I've contstructed the greatest thing in the history of wrestling...after me of course. It's a cardboard, title belt that says:)

...The Pretty Pretty Princess Champion