I Know What's Best

(The room is dimly lit by a lamp with elegant floral designs covering it. The night sky is visible through windows in the tall ceiling. White walls surround all while the floor is carpeted in pink. Yes, pink. The door to the room opens and in steps a short, attractive female. Her curly, blonde hair is tied back in some sort of bun. Crystal blue eyes dance joyfully with life as she looks over the room. Her expression is one of seriousness as she surveys her audience. Dressed in a pink, business skirt-suit with pinstripes, she shuts the door behind her and clears her throat loudly. Her name is Chrimeny Christmas and she has a plan for everyone. Proceeding to the center of the room, she pulls some note cards out of her tiny purse and looks them over a moment before speaking. Her tone of voice is appropriate for a business presentation.)

Chrimeny Christmas: Thank you all for coming. I suppose you are wondering why I gathered you all here at ten o'clock in the evening. I know it's late, but you'll just have to forgive me for that. It has come to my attention that our efforts thus far have not been enough. We are not making the impact our projections had determined at the beginning of the quarter. I blame myself. I had figured this staff to be more than adequate and it appears I was very wrong. This kind of lackluster effort will not be tolerated.

(She pauses for a moment to let her hard words sink in.)

Chrimeny Christmas: Now I'm not going to stand here and continue to berate you. The only reason I'm being so hard on you is I know you are capable of more than this. I handpicked this group of fine individuals to help this cause and I still believe in you. I know that with a little more planning and some hard work we are capable of yielding much greater results. We will make this world a....

(Just as she's reaching the beautiful pinnacle of her speech the door opens ruining everything. In steps her assistant/friend, Daniel Donovan. Chrimeny's cool, professional demeanor disappears and is replaced with that of a spoiled child. Before Daniel can even say what he came in here for she's yelling at him in a whiny voice and stomping her foot.)

Chrimeny Christmas: Look what you've done?! You idiot! I was at the most perfectest part of my speech. You've embarrassed me in front of my staff and ruined my most specialist of meetings.

(Realizing he's in trouble he tries to save himself by attempting to remove himself from the situation.)

Daniel Donovan: I'm very sorry Chrim...I mean Miss Christmas. I'll come back another time.

(Normally he does call her Chrimeny, but if she's conducting business he has to be a bit more professional. The opposite of how she's acting now. She shakes her head and in an angry tone she lashes out at him.)

Chrimeny Christmas: Stay...right there! I will deal with you in a moment and find out what's so important that you have to interrupt my work. Shut the door and be silent.

(He does as instructed and she works to collect herself. Her childish outburst has caused a strand to come loose from the bun in her hair. It now dangles in front of her face. She pushes it back as she regains her composure.)

Chrimeny Christmas: I'm sorry about that. Well let's continue shall we? As I was saying...before I was so rudely interrupted, we will make this world a better place. I don't care what it takes. I know we can do it. Now I didn't call you down here late in the evening to give you a pep talk. This is what I want from all of you: By noon tomorrow, unless I wake up later than that, I want reports on my desk of what we can do to better the world around us.

(It's at this point that Daniel looks over to see who her audience is. What he finds nauseates him. It's not people from the obvious, but rather a group of stuffed animals dressed in suits, staring blankly at Chrimeny with lifeless eyes. He can't believe he just got chewed out for ruining a speech meant for stuffed animals. He wonders why he puts up with the abuse sometimes. Problem is the pay and living conditions are great. Plus he, and the other assistant, Lelani, are Chrimeny's only friends. Wonder why.)

Chrimeny Christmas: Are there any questions?

(She points over to a stuffed seal with a graduation cap and a homemade suit on.)

Chrimeny Christmas: Yes Mr. Sealy?

(She stands and listens with her finger to her mouth as if he's making some kind of great point with his question.)

Chrimeny Christmas: I think that's a great idea. I hope all of you were listening. That's the kind of ideas I'm looking for. I'll expect that to be in your report tomorrow Mr. Sealy. Well if there are no more questions then I'll close this meeting. Have a nice evening everyone. I'll be looking over those reports tomorrow.

(With that she stops playing business and takes off the jacket to her skirt suit. Now just in her skirt, and a white blouse, she steps over to Daniel and speaks in her normal, perky voice.)

Chrimeny Christmas: So what did you want Danny?

(He sighs in exasperation.)

Daniel Donovan: You got some kind of letter from SCW.

(He hands it to her. She looks at the front of it for a brief second before just tossing it aside.)

Chrimeny Christmas: I'm sure it's just Mr. T thanking me for choosing his league. I am all important and stuff after all. Send him a fruit basket with a card saying: "I am pleased to be blessing this league with my wonderful presence. I look forward to being what makes you a lot of money. Oh and P.S. This better help me in my goal of bettering the world. Love, Chrimey Christmas aka the bestest wrestle chick ever". Yeah I think that works. Well if that's all...

(It's then she remembers the other reason she was mad at him. Her entrance music. She's been stuck with it for a month already. Once again her tone is angry and unforgiving. Her features grow all pouty.)

Chrimeny Christmas: Why am I talking all nice to you when you are such a screw up? I wanted Dead Or Alive's "You Spin Me 'Round". You gave me some sort of SATANIC rock version! You big jerk! How could you do that? Do you realize I have to plug my ears just to get down to my match? Do you know how embarrassing that is?

(He struggles to come up with a lie on the spot. The truth is he put in Dope's version on purpose. He may be her friend, but as her assistant he has to put up with her tantrums. This was just a little payback. He restrains from chuckling. He'd really have to listen to it then. Maybe he could convince her of something.)

Daniel Donovan: I'd change it if I could Chrimeny, but there is something in your contract saying you have to keep it for awhile.

(No there isn't. He can tell she's getting angrier as she listens to him.)

Daniel Donovan: But don't worry. I did some research and found that you're more likely to be paid attention to with this version. No one listens to Dead Or Alive anymore. At least with the Dope version you have a chance of reaching your target audience. By doing that you can help change and better...

(She suddenly smiles wildly and interrupts him.)

Chrimeny Christmas: Better the world! Of course. I'm so glad we thought of that.

(Of course she does realize she has to listen to this song everytime she goes to wrestle. It's then she starts to get bummed out.)

Chrimeny Christmas: But that means I have to continue to plug my ears and be guided by devil metal to the ring. I guess I can use it to try and turn the devil worshippers that listen to this away from evil. It's hard being so important and trying to lead the world to a better place.