Here's Your Reply

(Lights are set all over the room. The heat emitted from the bright bulbs is almost unbearable. On the pink carpet, in the middle of the room, is a camera. Daniel Donovan stands behind it sighing. He runs a hand through his black hair in frustration. He's been standing here for two hours. When his anger begins to reach its peak, that's when Chrimeny walks into the room. Her curly, blonde hair hangs loosely over her shoulders. She wears pink business skirt-suit with a white blouse and a mischievous smile. Taking a seat in an obnoxiously large chair, she takes a moment to collect herself. Off to her right in a small chair is a stuffed animal seal with a blue graduation cap on. Mr. Sealy. He has his business suit on as well. After a long moment of just sitting there, pretending to prepare herself she speaks.)

Chrimeny Christmas: Aaaaand action!

(Daniel presses the red button for record on the camera. Chrimeny looks at him for a moment.)

Chrimeny Christmas: Well? Is it rolling or not?

(He rolls his eyes.)

Daniel Donovan: Yep.

(Annoyed, her smile contorts into a heated glare.)

Chrimeny Christmas: Well you should have said so. Now we're sitting here looking stupid. Make sure you edit this part out before we send it.

(He decides to lie to her once more. It's become a semi-enjoyable hobby as of late.)

Daniel Donovan: Sorry, but this is the only tape we have. Can't edit it without another one.

(Hopefully she forgets about the movie room being chalk full of blank tapes. She groans and glares at him awhile longer before giving up.)

Chrimeny Christmas: Fine.

(Leaving yet more dead air she sighs and collects herself. She forces her smile to return. Can't let this little setback ruin what she's here to do.)

Chrimeny Christmas: Bianca. If you're seeing me now, it means you've placed this high quality vhs tape into your vcr and pressed play. Isn't modern technology wonderful? Well I guess I'll skip the formality here and get right to the point. You see I'm a busy woman and don't have time to talk to you in person, but I know you want a reply to your gracious offer. So I sent you this tape to give you my answer.

(She pauses for a long time. She considers it to be for dramatic effect. Really it's more of just annoyingly wasting the time of her intended audience, Bianca.)

Chrimeny Christmas: I...well before I get to that, hasn't the weather been great lately? I mean it really has. I've been working on my tan. Though, in a tanning bed of course. Why would I go out into the sun when I can get cancer in my own home? I mean honestly. Oh I guess you wanted my answer.

(Once again she stops talking. After a minute she looks at her watch. Then deciding the suspense is sufficiently applied she speaks again.)

Chrimeny Christmas: I've decided...yes?

(She looks over at the stuffed animal seal as if he spoke to her. She nods for a moment before shaking her head disgustedly. In an excited and stern tone she replies to the lifeless creature.)

Chrimeny Christmas: Mr Sealy! I will not smack my ass and tell Bianca she can kiss it! That's just crude. You should know better than that.

(She turns back to the camera and forces an embarassed smile.)

Chrimeny Christmas: I'm sorry about that rude interruption Bianca. Where was I? Oh yes. Your answer. Well I'm sure Jackson Shaw knows where I stand already so I don't need to tell him. Will I join the Impeccable Elite? Hmmmm....

(She stops and puts her hand to her chin as if she's making the decision on the spot and is having a rather difficult time with it.)

Chrimeny Christmas: Will I join IE? Oh yeah, I remember the answer now.

(A big, mischievous smirk forms on her face.)

Chrimeny Christmas: I remember that would rather crawl naked through broken glass, while soaked in alcohol, and eat my own puke. Hell, I'd rather eat your puke than join you.

(Her own crude words disturb her. She makes a face as if she's just eaten a raw lemon. After regaining her composure she continues.)

Chrimeny Christmas: Sorry for the extremely graphic visual, but I want you to understand where I'm coming from. Not only do I not like you, but you and Alicia sicken me. You come out to the ring, dressed all trampy might I add, and then you shake your butts around for beer swilling perverts in the audience. Well and anyone else, if you think it will benefit you. My goal is to save the world, not to poison it with Christina Whatchamacalla and Britty Spears.

(Donovan chuckles to himself over the fact that she can never get their names right. That and it amuses him that she's calling two women names she can't even remember.)

Chrimeny Christmas: So I guess what I'm saying is...I hope you die. I can't in good conscience allow you to continue poisoning the world. My god I have nightmares that that you'll reproduce and further pollute the gene pool. Scary thought isn't it? Well anyway, you have my answer. Hope you enjoy the rest of your day.

(With that she makes a cut signal. Donovan leaves it rolling. Chrimeny loses her smile as she realizes he's not listening to her. She makes the cut signal again. She gets the same result.)

Chrimeny Christmas: Didn't you see I made the special cut signal?! Turn off the camera!

(She glares in his direction as if it will magically force him to shut off the camera. Realizing it isn't working she looks into the camera once more with a fake smile.)

Chrimeny Christmas: Excuse me, will you?

(With that said she gets to her feet and leaves the camera's view. A few seconds later screaming can be heard before a bunch of clangs and the sounds of a scuffle. Seconds later the camera shuts off.)