Paper Dolls: The Advanced Class

Chrimeny: Now that you've mastered the kids version of paper dolls I have a much better version for us to work on.

(Jackson seems less than enthused that the paper doll session isn't near its end.)

Jackson: Great...

(Pushing his shoulder lightly, she smiles at him.)

Chrimeny: You're gonna love this. Trust me.

(With a sparkle in her eye she opens an arts and crafts box of hers. She pulls out a pile of papers and sets them on the table in front of him. He looks at the pile before sifting through it some. A questioning smile crosses his features as he pulls a human-shaped piece of paper out of the pile.)

Jackson: You're kidding me right? (She gives him an odd look for asking the question before pulling the paper from his hand. The human shape to the paper is feminine and familiar.)

Chrimeny: I would never kid about Bianca Doll. Now who else do we have here?

(She sifts through and begins separating various homemade paper dolls. There's Alicia Doll, Lucien Doll, Hexx Doll, Chrimeny Doll, Jackson Doll, Moxie Doll, and Generic Actor #4 Doll (who happens to look like Castillo). The other scraps of paper in the pile are tons of outfits for them. Some still need to be colored. There's also little title belts. Jackson shakes his head. He's not sure whether to be amused by her little collection or annoyed that he has to continue to play paper dolls. She lines the dolls up on the table and sets the pile of clothing and belts above them.)

Chrimeny: Okay now take a doll and find an outfit for it. If the outfit you want isn't colored yet then you'll have to color it yourself.

(He sighs in a less than quiet fashion.)

Jackson: Why am I doing this again?

(She is extremely quick to respond in a very cheerful manner.)

Chrimeny: Because I'm your partner and you love me.

(How can he argue with that kind of logic? She did already promise not to tell anyone about this. Besides if he doesn't he'll just be getting puppy eyes from her. He grabs randomly for a doll and ends up with the Moxie Doll. He just grabs the outfit from the top of the pile. It looks like an elegant sweater. Chrimeny panics like he's about to clip the wrong wire while disarming a bomb.)

Chrimeny: Nooo! Moxie Doll doesn't like that sweater. Find the neon green jacket in there that says "People Are Sheep". She likes that one.

(Not understanding how it possibly makes a difference, he does what she says. Meanwhile she puts outfits on the other dolls. Eventually all the dolls are dressed.)

Jackson: Okay we're done. So what do you want to go do now?

Chrimeny: We're not done yet. They're just dressed is all. We can't stop till we put on the show.

Jackson: The show?

(Why is he not liking the sound of this?)

Chrimeny: Okay now you take all the guy dolls and I'll talk all the girl ones. C'mon it's fun.

(With that she sets up a cardboard stage that looks like an SCW ring. There are little fans pasted all around it. Then she has Alicia Doll hobble out in front of it. Paper dolls don't have the easiest time walking. The doll is dressed in a paper bikini. Chrimeny does the voice for the doll of course.)

Alicia Doll: It sure is hot around here with all these clothes on. Now if I could figure out how to take them off. You would think with all the practice I've had I'd be a pro at removing skimpy clothing from the body I'm so proud of. Where's my lackey lover Lucien when I need him?

(Chrimeny looks at Jackson and points at Lucien Doll. He looks at the Alicia Doll and then reluctantly picks up Lucien Doll. He doesn't do the walking, but instead just kinda plops him into the scene.)

Jackson: Uhm...hi.

Chrimeny: You can't just say hi. Jackson do the voice.

Jackson: I don't want to do the voice.

(She of course starts to get all pouty. He looks at her for a long moment.)

Jackson: Fine.

(Realizing the longer he doesn't play the way she wants him to the longer this is gonna take, he decides to just go with it.)

Lucien Doll: Hey baby...It is I, the mindless sheep you pretend to like, Lucien. I'm all tough and stuff...and easily distracted...I like...hey can I see you naked? I've never seen a naked girl before.

Alicia Doll: I have.

Lucien Doll: Wait, what?

Alicia Doll: I watch Bianca shower alot.

Lucien Doll: Oh.

(The Alicia Doll walks over to the Lucien Doll and her bikini falls off as if Lucien had awkwardly removed it. The Alicia Doll's naked chest is covered with hair.)

Lucien Doll: How european of you baby. How may I serve you and stuff?

(Bianca Doll comes hobbling in and makes shocked sounds as she sees the naked, hairy Alicia standing there with Lucien.)

Bianca Doll: Oh my gods yall. What're you doin? Oh and where did you get a fur bra Alicia?

Alicia: Uhm...I'm not wearing a bra.

Lucien Doll: Sweet, two women for me to bow down to. I'm so mindless I think I'll do whatever they tell me to.

Alicia: That's the spirt.

Bianca: Chrimeny Christmas is my bestest hero you know.

Both Alicia and Lucien Dolls: We know. For the hundreth time.

(Chrimeny makes explosion noises and crumples all the dolls like they were killed by a bomb before throwing them around. Jackson watches in both amazement and confusion. It's possible he's wondering how he ended up teaming with her. She points at Generic Actor #4 Doll. He picks it up and looks at it with a laugh.)

Generic Actor #4 Doll: Mwahaha I blew up the Impeccable Elite. If they had survived I would have said it was my stunt double who planted the bomb. Just like I blame my imaginary stunt double when I lose matches. Can't have people knowing how inept I am. I am Michael Castaquesadilla afterall. I have my one fan to think about. Now I will make a really long, boring speech and hope it makes you hate me cause then you'll pay attention to me. I need attention...really really bad and stuff. Please notice me. I'm supposed to be famous remember? Anybody? What should I do this time? Should I attack a fan? Did that already. Should I make a match that's been pretty much done before and put the word "Hollywood" in front of it to make it seem important? Nope did that too. Guess I'll just continue to talk a bunch like always. People are used to the fact I don't stop talking even though I have nothing important to say. Go me!

(At this point the doll is thankfully interrupted by a new hero. Moxie Doll jumps out and kicks the actor doll's head off. The doll is dropped to the ground in two pieces, yet the head still says one last thing.)

Generic Actor #4 Doll: Uhm...I'm my stunt double..yeah.

Moxie Doll: You shouldn't lie, lying is bad. Go truth, justice, and the pink hairdye way! Yeah!

(Moxie Doll begins to dance on the other Doll's head. Her good time is of course disturbed as Hexx Doll comes running out. Well as good as a paper doll can hobble quickly. There are black rings around his eyes and fake wounds drawn all over him. For apparently no reason. Also she's blacked out a couple of his teeth.)

Hexx Doll: Gangshta Nashon shon!

Moxie Doll: Was that English?

Hexx Doll: That'sh the talk for the g-folk. One luv bishes!

(Moxie Doll seems less than impressed.)

Moxie Doll: Riiiiight.

Hexx Doll: Know what I'm shayin yo?

Moxie Doll: Uhm no one knows what you are saying...retard.

Hexx Doll: I'm represhentin the hood life for all the little peoplesh who have an X in their name B. Weesh takin over this piece yall. Hold on a moment while shay a bunch shnappy gangshta catch phrashes shon. Like my lishp? Shoundsh gangshta don't it? I made it up in prep shchool lasht year yo.

Moxie Doll: That's it! You die!

(Chrimeny and Jackson smack the paper dolls together like they are in furious combat. Course Chrimeny is doing most of the work. In the end Moxie Doll falls in pain to the lisped gangsta of X.)

Moxie Doll: Ow you got me! Who would have though I'd fall in battle to a moron? Oh the humanity and stuff! What a world, what a world.

(Hexx Doll begins laughing more moronically than maniacally. That's when the heroes of our story appear. That's right! Chrimeny Doll and Jackson Doll.)

Chrimeny Doll: I saw what you did you no good baddy! You'll pay for ruining Moxie Doll's jacket. I don't care if you do it by check or charge, but you will pay I tell you!

Jackson Doll: Oh and for killing her. You'll pay for that too.

Chrimeny Doll: Oh yeah, and that too. Good thing I hired you Jackson. I can't keep track of all the little details on my own and stuff.

Jackson Doll: I thought you hired me because I have perfect hair.

Chrimeny Doll: Well there is that.

(The dolls just stand there looking at Hexx Doll who is still spouting what he considers to be catch phrases. Just now they are directed at the Jackson and Chrimeny dolls. After an extremely long pause Jackson Doll speaks.)

Jackson Doll: are we gonna shut this guy up?

Chrimeny Doll: I think he's kinda funny.

Jackson Doll: What happened to all that no good baddy stuff?

Chrimeny Doll: Well look at him. He's all silly stuff. I mean look at him.

Jackson Doll: I thought you wanted to save the world?

Chrimeny Doll: Well I wanna have fun too. Watching him is like watching monkeys at the zoo. It's funny.

Jackson Doll: Chrimeny Doll!

Chrimeny Doll: Okay okay, you're right. Oh and today I want to be called Pretty, Pretty Princess Chrimeny Doll. Yeah that sounds all neat and official and stuff. It's spiffy.

(The Jackson Doll sighs.)

Jackson Doll: Chrimeny Doll can we just take this guy out now?

Chrimeny Doll: Who are you talking to? That's not my name.

(Frustration is apparent in the male doll half of Superiority Complex.)

Jackson Doll: Fine......Pretty..Pretty...Princess Chrimeny Doll can we just take this guy out now?

Hexx Doll: You can't beat me! I'm a gangshta! I'll get my gat and pop shome capsh bishes! I'm a Rishing Shtars shon! I beat Chrimeny. Yeeeeaaaah!

Chrimeny Doll: That's Pretty, Pretty Princess Chrimeny to you, you bad person you. Jackson, let's how him the error of his naughty ways.

(The Superiority Complex dolls go up and easily rip Hexx Doll in half. Now there is peaceful quiet. Chrimeny Doll kisses Jackson Doll on the cheek. She sets her doll down to show she's done playing before she speaks.)

Chrimeny: Superiority Complex lives happily ever after in a giant castle shaped like an asylum. THE END. See told you that would be fun.

(She nudges Jackson's shoulder. He shakes his head with a partial smile.)

Jackson: Okay I guess it was kinda entertaining.

Chrimeny: Good thing I taped it for us.

(Jackson's face contorts to shock and anger.)

Jackson: YOU WHAT!

(She acts like he hasn't even gotten angry.)

Chrimeny: Let's play tea party next.