Childish feminine voice: 1..2..3..7..8..22..15..30..
A pair of hands poorly cover the eyes of the blonde who is counting just as poorly. She bounces slightly on her feet causing her curly hair to follow suit. Her curvy frame is well covered by a mixture of different outfits. Her top is a long sleeve, pink, button up shirt. Her bottoms are a pair of basketball warm up pants, also in pink. To top off the ensemble she has the skirt to a tutu. Guess what color that is? Did you guess pink? Oh, good, then you'd be right. Her name is Chrimeny Christmas. Though she is 29 years old she lives as if she were a child....if that child were spoiled and insane. Excitement overcomes her.
Chrimeny: 42..43..67..50! Ready or not here I come!
She removes her hands from barely blocking her vision and quickly walks straight across the room and pulls open the curtains of her mansion window revealling Daniel Michael Donovan. He's one of the two people whose official job title is "personal assistant". In reality he and the other assistant, Lelani Faulkner, are caretakers, babysitters, her only friends, and her closest victims. That's all implied in "personal assistant" though isn't it? Chrimeny jumps up and down before putting her hand on her hip and pointing at his face with the other one. Her tone one of arrogance with a tad of superior snotty.
Chrimeny: I found you! I'm so good at this game.
As is so often the case, his first response is a sigh as he has to mask the annoyance in his voice.
Daniel: Gee, you are so good at this game. I mean how did you know to look where you told me I had to hide?
Okay, so he kinda failed in masking it this time. The pride, excitement, and smile on her face all melt away like so much candle wax. They are replaced with flaring nostrils, eyes filled with hatred, and an extremely whiny voice.
Chrimeny: You know what you big meanie? You're about this close from being fired?
Oh no, not fired. She fires him at least 3 times a week. This week he's nearing his fifth. He doesn't respond to her, instead choosing to watch and wait.
Chrimeny: Why don't I just like list the reasons why? It's a great idea isn't it?
She's not asking him. Instead she's looking at the stuffed penguin on the table. A penguin who apparently agrees with her.
Chrimeny: First you managed to mess up everythings again for me in wrestling. My entrance music is totally wrong.
He interjects in spite of himself.
Daniel: I'm sorry. I told you OWF has a policy that whatever your original music was when you started in the business is what it has to be. It's that way for everyone.
This has been one of his many sabotages of her. It's not that he hates her. There is some fondness for the little psycho. It's just that when you take so much crap from someone so often you can't help but get your little victories in anyway possible. He did this to her when she first started wrestling. She wanted Dead or Alive's "You Spin Me" and he made sure the version SCW used was the one by Dope. He then convinced her that the company had screwed up but had a policy against changing it. At her next company she requested something happier than that horrible devil music and he made sure her music was "Happy" by Mudvayne. It was even worse to her than the first. Now his latest lie sticks her right back with the first and she was so angry when he first told her that she slammed her legos down and broke the coffee table. Sure, he had to clean it up, but it was worth it.
Chrimeny: It was your fault in the first place back in SCW. I was pretty esplic..explix...specific. Yeah..specific...in my request. Not only is that messed up in OWF, but they are usually a totally yucky picture of me. One of the worst pictures ever taken of me. My hair isn't even curly in it. Do you know what it's not curly in that picture?
Because it was taken the day that Daniel volunteered to do her hair when her stylist was conveniently out of town. Oh he fixed it alright.
Chrimeny: Because you had ruined my hairs. I hate hate hate that picture!
Each use of the word "hate" is followed by the stomping of her foot. Her voice getting screechier by the second.
Chrimeny: Now CJ has me in a match with a bunch of icky stuff. There's blood and guts. There's a bunch of dirty, smelly criminals who want to put me in that blood. Me! This is the grossest thing evers. Evers! Did you know there's a terrorist in my match? Terrorists don't shower Daniel. Did you have anything to do with me being put in this match?
Daniel: No I didn't. The show has the same name as the match you are in. It was unavoidable. This is how OWF does things. This is what you wanted.
Chrimeny: What I wanted? What I wanted?! I wanted to go show the world that I was the bestest wrestle chick evers. I'm the Pretty Pretty Princess Champion. People look up to me. I wanted to save the world. Do you know how many people out there are having a bad time right now? Who else is going to save them from that? All I know is I totally didn't want poor people trying to touch me and put me in a big bowl of yucky guts. I looked at the video you got me of what the match is. I threw up. All over my pink bathrobe. I loved that robe. It was the one with the ducky on it. I had to have Lelani burn it.
She cringes at the the thought of this match. So much so that she sidetracks herself from firing Daniel long enough for Lelani to come in the room and put her arms around Chrimeny and start leading her towards the kitchen.
Lelani: Let's not worry about that right now Chrimeny. How about we get you a juicebox?
Chrimeny's possible tantrum is avoided. Quietly she replies to Lelani.
Chrimeny: Fruit punch?
Lelani nods in response and gets her to sit down in the dining room before going to the kitchen and getting her a juicebox. She returns and puts the straw in it for Chrimeny because she often has trouble with it. Of the two assistants she is the nicer one. She is the one who tends to Chrimeny's care in a more hands on way. That's not to say she doesn't become disgusted with their employer as well. She just reacts to it differently. She's also managed to, at times, get away with getting on Chrimeny's case without a complete meltdown taking place. It's rare, but it has happened. She only gets fired about once a week. So Daniel is way ahead in that statistic. Lelani sits at the table next to her.
Lelani: Feel better?
Chrimeny nods while drinking her juice. She finishes it and sets in front of her before slumping back in her chair. She yawns loudly.
Chrimeny: Did you get my pajamas out?
Lelani: They're on your bed.
Chrimeny rubs her eyes a moment before yawning again. Lelani isn't surprised she's tired. She was about to throw a tantrum which takes energy. Plus it is 11pm. Chrimeny often starts to unravel after 10. When she goes to bed it's the best time for her personal assistants to relax and enjoy themselves before the terrors of the next day. Luckily, their employer often sleeps in.
Chrimeny: Night Night.
Lelani: Goodnight Chrimeny.
The spoiled, adult child grabs Pengy from the living room and walks off through the mansion to her very large, very pink bedroom. She changes into her footie pajamas and then looks around before pulling a book from its hiding place. Sitting at her desk she begins to write in it.
It's me again, Chrimeny Christmas, the bestest person to ever smurf the Earth. I know I shouldn't reference Smurfs and stuff because they were obviously filthy, poor, and lived in a third world country, but I secretly kind of like that cartoon. Don't tell anybodys. Not the movies though. I didn't see them because no. I'm soon going to make my first step into an OWF ring. It's the next step in my plan to save the world. Which I'm like totally going to accomplish. I'm worried about it, but I have a solid plan. I'm going to throw fifty cents into the blood and I'm sure at least half of the yucky people who want to hurt me will jump in after it. All poor people are smelly and criminals. They won't be able to help themselves.
I expected to see Moxie when I started here, but she has disappeared. I know I know, she once hung out with a girl named Harley who smoked. I know her music makes puppies cry. I still can't help but like her. She is one of my biggest fans afterall. Is she a big enough fan that she might try to steal my belt or wear my skin as a Chrimeny suit? Maybe. I should be careful. It might be some kind of trap for her to try and become me. I'll be darned if she isn't stylish though.
My new friend Pengy is working out great. He and Mr. Sealy are getting along swimmingsly. We played Go Fish earlier. I won, of course, but Pengy did really well at making sure I had the cards I wanted. He's really great, which is why I'm worried about him. What if Battle tries to hurt him? I've seen how she looks at him. She totally gets mean face. That little stuffed bat is still plotting against me. She watches me when I sleep. WHEN I SLEEP! Lelani won't let me get a gun. She said I wasn't old enough. So I was forced to kick her right in the shin. I think she understood. So I've decided I'm gonna make me the bestest bat trap ever. That way if Battle tries to swoop down on me in the night she'll get what's coming to her. It'll be all swoop whoosh clang bam pow no more meanie bat. I hate to be this way about one of my plush friends, but she's so not being a buddy.
Anyways I've gotta go to bed so I have to deprive you of more awesome me being me at my me-est, but just know that you are here for my use. Isn't that great? You are welcome diary. Goodnights and I'll write in you more tomorrow after my nap.