Dear Greg Jer...Jackson,

It is I, your hero, Chrimeny Christmas. I am writing to inform you that I have made a decision. A decision that will like totally improve your life. While you were taking care of my light work with the oh so terrible Eclipse...The evil, no good baddy, who was so terrible to me because she has a yucky, ugly heart made out of rotting brussel sprouts...who is all jealous of me...anyway, while you were handling that problem Jesus and I talked. We feel that you would benefit from me being around. So I've decided to stick all close to you and help you out. If you are lucky you will learn to do that kick almost as good as me. Plus, you might win and stuff. Also you can protect your wife from that Black Santa character. Jesus said he wanted to do nasty things and that's not cool. So yeah, I'm totally your manager now. Which means you'll make way better decisions and you'll win and not make Jesus cry. Now that this has been decided I have a list of demands you have to meet so that this can work.

Chrimeny's special managerial list of awesome:

1. Get a watch. You're so on my time now.
2. Tuesdays are ice cream day. We will have sundays.
3. You aren't friends with that evil, scarfaced Eclipse anymore. She'd be a horrible influence, plus she'd probably steal you as a client. She wants everything I have.
4. You need to kick Freedom Kid in the face for me so he knows I still care.
5. Jesus is your official trainer. So you have to buy him a whistle and we are all having shirts made. They're gonna look great.
7. There is no demand #6. Not a fan of the number.
8. If anyone attacks me you must like defend my honor and beat them up.

It's a great list. I know. I came up with it. Hey, wasn't it cool that they named that tree after me for that match you lost? I still didn't watch it. I'm pretty busy determining your future afterall. It's a tough job being your idol but lucky for us all I'm super fantastic at it. I'm so great at it that after my match at Adderction I'm going to take a break from wrestling to focus completely on you. You are welcome. I know, I'm excited too. No need to thank me, just give me gifts instead. Gifts rock.

I saw a kitty earlier today. I think it'd be perfect for Jesus. Every boy needs a pet that could turn on them at any moment and draw blood. It's like a life lesson covered in fur. Plus they're adorable duh. We should totally get him a cat. We should also get cat sized outfits for said cat. It only makes sense. I mean we can't get the cat dog sized outfits. They wouldn't fit.

Your favoritest person and bestest wrestle chick ever,

Chrimeny Christmas
Super Manager

(Chrimeny folds her letter carefully before putting it in an envelope and sealing it. She bounds to the door of her room, her blond curls bouncing with the movement, before calling for one of her assistants.)

Chrimeny: LELANI! MAIL!

(Okay so she shouted, not called. She hears movement heading her direction, but doesn't wait. Instead she tosses the letter on the floor before heading back into her room and shutting the door behind her. She grabs her juice box off of her desk and takes almost too big a drink from the straw. She finishes it, but doesn't stop trying to get every drop out of it. A serious of annoying straw sucking sounds fill her very very pink room. Finally she gives up on the juice box. She looks at it sadly.)

Chrimeny: Awww. That was the last cherry one.

(She throws it in the garbage unhappily. She looks over at her stuffed bat, Battallia. Empty, lifeless eyes stare back at her.)

Chrimeny: This is all your fault isn't it? You've probably been drinking my cherry juice boxes behind my back.

(She waits for an answer that doesn't come.)

Chrimeny: Fine, invokes your right to be silent. See if I care. We both know you've been plotting against me since we met.

(She walks across the room and then looks back.)

Chrimeny: Be less a jerk. Stop it!

(Getting frustrated with her plush nemesis she walks over and points at the bat's face.)

Chrimeny: Well? Say something!

(She stares into the bat's empty eyes angrily, but soon her anger fades. It's replaced by confusion, and ultimately, fear. The blood drains from her face. Leaving it pale. In a panic she screams and runs out of the room.)

Chrimeny: HELP!!!!!!