A podium sits on a small stage. A few microphones snake up from its wood frame. A prop wall covers the back of the stage. The Kickelodeon! logo boldly splashed across it in all its orange and white glory. A lot of conversations going on at once fill the room with constant, unintelligible noise. Over the racket two voices can clearly be heard as they come from a studio at a different location.
Jeb: This is Jeb Roberts. As I mentioned before the commercial we are waiting on a live press conference with a representative from Kickelodeon!. They should be out here in just a couple short minutes. Let's take a moment to discuss a few things that lead up to this. With me is Steve Irish. Steve, why don't you start?
Steve: Well as we've discussed before, Kickelodeon! is an OWF Tag Team that features Greg Jackson and Jesse Williams. Once they took on this fan-voted, tag team name a number of things happened. A limited liability company was formed by the same name. It's a subsidiary of an unknown company called Christmas Enterprises. A company not documented to have done anything in awhile. Apparently their doors stayed open while they produced nothing. No one knows why. Then suddenly they started producing wrestling merchandise.
Jeb: That's right Steve. They came out with the Team Chrimeny jersey that many fans have been seen wearing at OWF shows. At this point, tens of thousands have sold across the country. Chrimeny Christmas, owner of Christmas Enterprises, formed Kickelodeon! the company not long after it became the team's name. It's rumored to be involved with the management of these wrestlers, but we've been told the company is looking to do much more than that.
Steve: I know this is a little outside of what we normally cover, but...
Jeb: Sorry to interrupt Steve, but it looks like the press conference is about to begin.
Chrimeny's assistants/handlers step out onto the stage with her walking behind them. They move off to the side while she steps forward to the podium wearing a pink, pin-striped skirt suit. A purse hangs off her arm with her stuffed seal, Mr. Sealy, sticking out of the top of it as if he were a small dog on the arm of a rich celebutard. She brushes some of her curly locks from her face before addressing the small crowd.
Chrimeny: Thank you all for like coming and stuff. As you all know, I manage and coach the super famous tag team, Kickelodeon!. I've been working on a lot of things and am pleased to be here to present some of those things that will be coming out very soon. I've got like a bunch to get through here so I'm going to just get all started with it. First, the rumors are true, Kickelodeon! will be part of a new ad campaign for Mt. Dew Kickstart. There will be Superkick versions of label thingies on the cans. I signed the contract this morning with one of my favorite crayons. I had sharpened it a couple times before the meeting. It's totally important to do that. No one likes a dull crayon.
She pauses and raises her bag to hear as if trying to hear what her plush seal has to say.
Chrimeny: Oh no, I didn't forget.
She lets the bag drop back to her side before continuing.
Chrimeny: Later this week our Kickelodeon! product line will be launching with all kinds of neato things. Hats, shirts, bags, shoes, towels, posters, etc. There's even going to be a clock. It's like uhm so cool because you'll be all wondering "hey what time is it?" and it'll be all "Kickelodeon! time!". These products will start being available at OWF shows starting at Campus Chaos. You'll also be able to get them on the new Kickelodeon! website that comes out in a couple days. The site will have more than just a store too. There will be pictures, videos, interviews, apps, games, and a bunch of other stuffs. You'll even be able to have a Q and A with Jesus Jackson in a section called Talking With Jesus. He's a great little trainer. He totally has taught the team a bunch of different stuff. Plus, he knows all about dinosaurs, and I don't mean like Nick Burst. I mean like a million years old with green skin and giant bones and goes RRRRAAAAAAARRRRR....Maybe I do mean like Nick Burst...how are they different again?
She has to pause to try and figure out the difference between historical dinosaurs and Nick Burst. Her finger moves to her lips as she spaces out over this puzzle. Eventually she snaps out of it with a shake of her head.
Chrimeny: Has anyone checked to see if Burst is a patera...terrydactible....one of those flying dinosaur things? They maybe like should and stuff. What if he's supposed to be in a museum and we didn't know it? I know right. Anyway, I'm like getting off trackers here. Also out in stores now are the Kickelodeon! fruit snacks.
A bag of fruit snacks shaped like Greg and Jesse's faces, and boots, are handed to her opened. She pulls out an orange one that looks like a big, smiling Greg Jackson face and eats it.
Chrimeny: Take that Gerg!...I mean these are pretty good. Like a superkick of flavor to your mouth. Now I'm thirsty. JUICEBOX!
One of her assistants brings her an already opened juicebox. She drinks a bunch of it down and stops with a gasp. A way too excited expression appears on her face.
Chrimeny: Oh my god! Why didn't I think of it before?! Everyone loves juice. We totally need to make juice boxes and stuff!
She forgets all about the press conference and just randomly walks away from the podium apparently determined to make Kickelodeon juice boxes. The confused commentators are heard once more when it looks as if she won't be returning.
Jeb: Wow...She's....wow. Well you saw it, the rather eccentric Chrimeny Christmas has announced a lot of things here. She didn't even answer questions. I guess she is off to make Kickelodeon! juice boxes a reality. It looks as if this tag team can manage to put their face on something they will be selling it. When we return we'll talk about some of the latest trends on Kickstarter.
Steve: Was that a stuffed animal?