(It seems so long ago that I got to sew the left side of my face back together again. I trace the scars with a finger while peering into the mirror before me. I can't help but admire the results of that glass cell match. As the past and present fill my mind I can barely tell if I'm thinking, or speaking aloud. I know it's the latter. I have a camera running afterall...even if my back is turned to it. I'll be sending the recording to her when this is finished. It's time she understood what should be clear to her by now.)
Alexis...you truly are bound into my existence, just as these scars are etched into my face. It saddens me that you keep running from me...from the truth.
(It's so obvious to me now. It wasn't always that way.)
I didn't understand at first either. All I saw was a clueless little girl with an undeserved title freshly handed to her. I couldn't comprehend at the time how linked we were. I was too busy fearing what I truly was. It wasn't until I embraced my monstrousity that I began a glimmer of understanding.
(I feel in the distance the smile fade from my face.)
You were so normal and happy back then. Carefree. Had a title belt around your waist and a mind filled with hopes and dreams. All you wanted was a chance to prove yourself. I was so confused. So lost. All I wanted was to keep the creature inside at bay.
(A twinge of sadness fills me as I think of how things started. Of what Alexis once was...and what she could have become.)
I resented you. I didn't realize why at the time. I thought it was I just didn't respect you over you being handed a belt. It's clear to me now the belt had nothing to do with it. It's not what was really handed to you. My mother abandoning me to that dimension of darkness. The psychotic genes I inherited from my parents. The never ending build of the dark hungers within myself. Growing up without love, safety, or shelter from the coldness of this existence. All of that was an unending tide of darkness that I was trying to fight against. A battle against my own existence. What was truly handed to you was everything I was denied. A normal life. I resented you. You were the lie I wanted to live.
(I had to destroy her...even if at the time I didn't want to. That changed.)
Though deep within myself I craved your destruction, I originally didn't want to hurt you. I just couldn't help myself. Over time my fake humanity shed. My desire for your pain increased as a result. You spiraled downward at such a catastrophic rate that I felt sickened by the sight of you. It was then I fully realized why my feelings towards you were so intense. Just as I had become a reflection of the darkness within the hearts of all people...you had become a reflection of me.
(I wonder if even explaining this to her will make her truly understand our connection.)
When I lost the humanity I so clinged to you lost every bit of decency you had once posessed. You lost your self respect. You filled your heart with fear. You made yourself a victim. As I grew in strength and resolve, you crumbled under the weight of both. I hated you for withering on me. In the beginning, you had it all and I had nothing. When I became stronger you should have done the same. We're two different sides of the same mirror. My improving shouldn't have diminished you!
(I hated her for that. In many ways I still do.)
I followed you. I tormented you. I made you bleed buckets. You made me hurt you. My rage over what you had dwindled down to couldn't be contained. Then one day someone else decided they needed to hurt you. I couldn't allow that to happen anymore. You were mine. You were me. The me that had fallen. Had failed. Even though that person was my Angel, the only man I ever fell in love with, I couldn't allow him and that pathetic girl to inflict agony on you and make you worse. I appeared to you and helped you fight them. You failed me as always. Once again you had let me down. Just like in the beginning. After, I couldn't decide if I should help you or destroy you. So I tortured you and called it training.
(Sounds like my mother...)
In many ways I've never been able to decide on being your savior or your destroyer.
(I pause long enough to sigh deeply and grip the counter firmly.)
I've waited on you for so long Alexis. For you to stop wallowing in self pity. For you to see the truth. For you to rise up and become the woman I'm supposed to see in the other side of the mirror. Endlessly waiting. It feels like it's all I've done.
(At the rate things are going I could be waiting eternally for her.)
When I sent Ember to OWF I knew she would warn you. I knew she would continue trying to open your eyes. She has more patience than I do. She tried over and over to get you to listen. In the end, even she gave up on you. The one person in the world who had more hope for you than me and you caused even her to abandon that hope. It hurt her more than she'll ever let on. Your stupidity brings more pain than you'll ever comprehend. The trivial things you have made so important to you have done nothing but bring blindness. All you have to do is let go. They don't matter. Forget your image. Forget belts. Forget politics. Forget money. Free yourself Alexis!
(There was more pleading in my voice during that last part than I would have liked. I close my eyes and take a deep breath. It does nothing to soothe the acid filling my veins. It pushes through my system and floods my eyes as they open once more. My grip on the counter increases until it crushes beneath my fingers with a loud crunch. I drop the pieces to the floor in disgust of its weakness. My patience with many things is steadily fading. My body tenses as the cold darkness overtakes my system. In many ways it's a pleasant feeling. One of strength...of power. One that increases when I feed my hunger for violence. It's now that I turn away from the mirror and face the camera. My inner monster fully evident in my features. This is the truth of what I am. My tone darkens from before. The strength in my voice enhancing my words.)
I'm tired of waiting Alexis. At Funeral I'm going to hurt you. I need your blood. I crave your pain. It's the only thing that will sate my rage. Your refusal to wake up has made this necessary. I will drag you into eventually being what you are supposed to be or you will be crushed underneath the weight of our existence.
(I step forward to where the camera can only see my scarred face.)
Be ready mirror sister....if I continue to hate the reflection I see...I'll do everything in my power to destroy it...