(Since refinding my humanity I have lost my identity. I lack direction. Though my former acts were ones of evil, I cannot deny that they were purposeful and focused. I always knew what I was doing. Where I was going. I had more of a grasp on who and what I was. I felt these things absolute. I wonder if most people realize what a burden it is to possess a conscience. The limitations that it places on a person. It's difficult and murky. Always things unclear because one ends up worrying about the "hows", "whys", and "did I do the right things". So much doubt. So much pain.

Often the things that are most important are difficult. Earning something through hard work makes one appreciate it. I feel healthier inside. I just feel lost is all. Like floating out at sea with no land in sight. It used to feel like the sea's waters avoided contact with me. I could directly walk right through the middle with no impedance. Everything a straight line to a goal or an objective. Now I float in the endlessness, thrashing to find a way to make it to land I do not see. Though the situation feels dire I will continue to endure. No matter how lost I become I will press on through sheer willpower. I'm not the only one with this strategy for existing. No, the woman I now stand over is very much the same. No matter what falls in her path she continues without slowing down. Ember is both my greatest, and worst, creation.

Even in her sleep she fights. Fights her own body's limitations. I watch the beads of sweat forming on her forehead. The result of intense pain in her hands. The agonizing throbbing of having forced her body to fight its own limits of fear and pain. This week's training would shatter the will of most and send them retreating to comfort. Not her. She just continues marching forward. Always. She kept hitting my targets with her fists even with each successive one being made from tougher materials. Wood splintered. Stone cracked. Even after the bones in her hands felt like they were being ground to dust she pressed on. No complaints. No questions. No pauses.

Over the past few months she has begun to surpass the limitations her body had placed on her. She's been reshaping it. Focusing it. Transforming it into a weapon. The human body is weak. It is afraid. If one is to overcome it, one must change it. Her strength increases. Her goal is to gain my strength, durability, and skills. It is one I know she will achieve eventually. How long it will take is difficult to say. With so much focus on one objective I worry about what she will do once she achieves it. What will she find to focus on once she is my equal in every way?

It's a thought that has been on my mind recently. I guess that's why I've taken to watching her sleep these days. I worry for her. To put so much of oneself into anything is a very admirable quality. It's also one that can be dangerous. Put too much in and a person will be lost when it is gone. I've got some time to think about what direction to help her toward after. Good thing, because right now I don't have a clue.)