The Bane of Rome

(Summer Ashton stands in front of a projection screen with a remote in her hand. She wears a pair of tight, black jeans and a black t-shirt. A white labcoat rests on top of the outfit. Her blonde, semi curly hair is tied back. She hits the button on the remote and a slide comes into view behind her. It's a map of ancient Rome and it's surrounding territories. After a moment she begins to speak as if conducting a lecture.)

Summer Ashton: Boadicea, Boudica, Boudicca, however you spell it, it still holds the same meaning. It's the name of one of the greatest warrior queens in history. Boudica was an almost unstoppable force that remained a thorn in the side of Rome for around two years. Take that you Roman bastards. In 60 or 61 A.D. Her husband Prasutagus, King of the Iceni died. He tried to ensure the safety of his family and his people by leaving the Emperor of Rome some things in his will. He also left some things to his two dauthers, who history has forgotten the name of, and his wife Boudica. The Emperor was outraged by this. In Roman law it was illegal to give personal wealth to others in a will over the Emperor. Though the Iceni weren't Roman, Rome sent troops in and claimed everything all of the Iceni owned. People were tossed from hereditary lands and their homes were burned. Some were taken as slaves.

Boudica was made an example of just for being the Queen of the Iceni. She was stripped, tied to a post, and whipped without mercy while her daughters were carried off and raped by filthy Roman soldiers. After that the troops took their spoils and left. They'd made a huge tactical error. They left Boudica alive. Romans were retarded and considered woman to be nothing. Not even close to equal stature of men. Might as well have been pets. So what did Boudica do? Did she just gather her two raped daughters and cry before just accepting things? Hell no she didn't. She gathered every last one of her warrior people in the area and went to visit tribes in the area they had been up to this point at war with. Together they formed an initial army of around 100,000 men and women and marched to the nearest Roman settlement, a place called Camulodunum...or something like that.

(She pauses for a moment and presses on the remote again. It shows an enhanced view of the map. It displays where the city is located.)

Summer Ashton: Camulodunum was a colony of retired Roman officers and their families that had been placed on lands that had belonged to Celtic tribes of the area like the Iceni. Boudica led the vast tribal army into the city and they slaughtered every man, woman, and child. A messenger managed to escape and the last of the retired officers locked themselves into a temple and held a stand off for two days. The commander the messenger gave the news to figured it was an uprising caused by a woman, and like an idiot sent only 200 soldiers. He might as well have tossed them to their deaths in the sea. Would have been just as effective. The temple holding the officers was burned with them alive inside. The rest of the city was burned as well.

I like that. They didn't take prisoners or slaves. They didn't go there to rob back their riches. They just killed them all. Rome got just what it asked for. That wasn't the only city razed by the tribal army. The army that eventually grew to over 200,000 warriors. The next major city was London, or as it was called back then Londinium.

(She laughs in an almost morbidly, giddy fashion while going to a slide of where Londinium was located.)

Summer Ashton: It's in the same location London is today, but Londinium didn't eventually grow to be London. In fact the only thing the two have in common is they are both located in the same spot. The explaination for that will come soon enough. The Roman Legions actually managed to beat Boudica's army there. The commander of that Roman army realized that the place was tactically unsound to defend. So he recruited every able-bodied man into the army and then left everyone else there knowing they wouldn't survive. We're coming up on one of my favorite parts now.

Boudica's army arrived later and killed everyone that was left there. Distinguished noblewomen were actually run through with pikes and put into the ground, as well as having their breasts cut off and sewn to their mouths, to make it look as if they were eating them. Then Londinium was burned to the ground. In fact the fires were so hot and plentiful the entire city was reduced to slag. If you dig fifteen feet below London today you will see the slag that was once Londinium. If only I could have been there. Hell, who knows, maybe in a past life I was.

All in all, Boudica, her daughters, and their army destroyed at least two Roman Legions and wiped more than a few cities off the face of the planet. Eventually the army fell to the tactical organization of the Roman army by allowing Rome to pick the battlefied. Boudica is said to have survived the battle, but it's assumed her daughters died in it.

(She shuts off the projector with the remote and her tone contorts to one of a more sinister nature. The expression on her face growing more serious.)

Summer Ashton: So what's the point of this history lesson? It's very simple. We're in Rome. Do try to be careful when toying with a vengeful woman. You may find me not in the mood to take prisoners when I come to your door...