Bottomless Pit

(The defining moment of my life took place during a roller derby bout, of all things. To be more specific, the 4th bout of the 2nd season. The year before I had been rookie of the year. For a moment I thought I was proud. It didn't last. It didn't, and couldn't, satisfy me. Nothing could. My awakening hunger couldn't be sated by such petty things as accolades, wins, or championships. The emptiness I felt within hungered for violence. For blood.

It was during this 4th bout that I fed it a sacrificial lamb. For years they've all wondered why I maimed poor Exa Cution. Was it a personal grudge? Had we been trading insults on the track? Why would I just snap like that? Truth is she didn't do anything. We'd never even spoke to each other. She was just there. As she skated ahead of me I felt the hollowness within my chest grow. It called to me. Reached out and spread through my body. It was so strong. So profound. It expanded further and firmly grasped my mind.

All rational thought drained from me and was replaces with an ageless rage. Next thing I knew I was on top of her squirming body. Her hair in my hand...her destiny in my control. Exhiliration clung to me like a warm sweater as my arm repeatedly extended to smash her delicate head into the unforgiving track side. Her spurting blood and cries of horrified agony covering me like a second skin. Allowing me to bask in their glory. Her body, her soul, her future, now held in my hand. Firmly under my control. My sole discretion.

When the sound of shattering bone echoed in my head it only urged me on. It was such a wonderful surprise. I'd never felt so ALIVE! Her forehead was disintegrating into chunks of bone. I could see them sticking through her forehead. The feelings that washed over me were intoxicating.

In the end I claimed both our destinies for myself. That night forever defined our paths. Neither of us can forget it. It was a beautiful awakening for me. A spiritual rebirth. I'd finally claimed the answers to the questions that had plagued me for years. I stopped being Holly Caust, roller derby standout. The true Summer Ashton was finally revealed. She, on the other hand, gained horrible, decapacitating migraines, a thick metal plate in her forehead she can use as a weapon, and a personality. Someday she'll thank me for giving her a personality. If I hadn't broken her face she'd still be boring. I think the thick webbing of scars on her forehead is quite charming really.

I ended up banned from roller derby for life and arrested. Hell, I'm just finally getting off probation. In the end it was all worth it. Even with the events that later followed it. That poor, little victim, Exa, yeah she came back. Big time. Along with that new personality she also seemed to have been issued a sack of courage. She kidnapped and tortured the only person I've ever actually felt anything real for, Vivian Tate. Vivian was in roller derby too. She was Exa's teammate. Instead of helping Exa, she was the only one to back me during the hearings they had to ban me. Guess Exa felt betrayed.

After weeks of torturing Vivian, Exa sent me a package. It contained my best friend's ear. The biggest mistake that little psycho ever made. I vowed the next time we met she'd be going home in a bag. On and meet we did. The fight was harsh, brutal, and bloody. My kinda fight. She broke my arm, some ribs, and my nose. I broke her face again. This time with a crowbar. I was ready to fulfill my vow when I realized there was a choice that had to be made. Kill Exa or get my dying friend, Vivian, medical attention. I'd like to say I made the right decision, but I chose to save Vivian instead. I must have been going soft.

It's viv's fault I didn't kill Exa. This is why caring for people is such a horrible waste. It just causes you to make poor choices. Vivian was the first person I ever felt anything for. It sickens me. I grew up feeling nothing for anyone. Everyone was little more than an insect to me. I knew that made me different from my loving family and the other kids. No one understood. I didn't want, or need them too. Their feelings and wanting me to share the ones I didn't have made me want to puke. Then Vivian had to somehow get under my skin. Like a parasitic disease. Because of that my enemy was able to get away with her life. She's still walking the earth. Waiting to pounce again. Sometimes I still hate Vivian for that.

In between all that, and during all the time since, I've been fighting for a living in any ring, arena, venue, and back alley that I could keep from getting kicked out of. Everyday I crave the violence more. It's great when I get it, but the long amounts of time inbetween those glorious moments of violence are agonizing. I drink all day, everyday to numb the pain that comes from the absence of violence. It works for the most part. I still manage to have some fun...even if I am an irritable b**ch most of the time. My hungers and desires will be sated so much more often, so very soon. I've returned to the SWA. CCW is going to be such a great menu to order off of. Which is good. I'm so very hungry you see.)

Summer Ashton: It's time I get fed...