(I sit in the background of society. Stuck within it, but never truly part of it. It suits me. Why would I want to join in, participate? People are pathetic. They run about in a futile attempt to extend their lives, gain power over each other, and settle for whoever can put up with them for awhile and try to call it love. It's the retardation of the species boys and girls. Guess that makes me a mutation. I have no desire to go on Dr. Phil and talk about my feelings and be told to "get real". I have no craving for love. I have no need to send money to Sally Struthers so that she can pretend to save dying kids in Africa. Screw em. We've all been dealt a bad hand kids. You just got the short end of the stick.

I don't want to play the games everyone else seems so content to actively pursue. This facade everyone lives with only drags them down. Lies to them. It's a fantasy world. None of the things they chase mean anything. It's just a way to be controlled. In the end everything they've done can't be taken with them. Why bother? What a joke. How does that make me any better? Isn't my constant drinking just the same? I won't lie to myself about my chosen coping mechanism. Of course it is. I hate this world. I hate almost everything in it. I have one true purpose. One thing that brings me actual joy. Violence. That's it. When I don't have that joy I find my way to burrow into something that will numb the pain of its loss. Like I'm the only one.

Most people are miserable. They hate their lives, their own faces, themselves, each other. What real joy do they have? Is there any? Almost none of them know their purpose for existing. They find one thing they actually like and try to have it as much as possible. Or they have nothing that really sustains them. Either way they spend the majority of their time lying to themselves and each other that they are happy. They weave their illusions. Most are happy with their own illusions. What happens when it crumbles before their very eyes and reality sets in? When they realize they are working a job till they die to gain things they can't take with them to the afterlife. When they see they settled and notice they hate the person that shares their bed. When it dawns on them they've brought children into the world and doomed them to the same cycle of torment? They snap. They go to their job and go on a bloody rampage. They shoot up fast food restaurants. They end up on tv in high speed chases with the police. Or they crawl into some quiet corner and find someway to put an end to their miserable existences.

That was never for me. It's a world of lies. I was born seeing through it. Still for so long I was lost. Struggling against it. Realizing I was born in the wrong time. Wrong age. No real battlefields. No real warriors. Just a crowded world without a soul. Yet, the clueless people love it. The Kristin Kross' of the world cling to their belts and their false loves. She loves her little illusion of a life. The web of lies she's created around herself to allow her to cope with the world. I'm going to tear it away.)