Past To Present: Defining Moment

(The defining moment of my life took place during a roller derby bout. The 4th bout of my second season. I had been rookie of the year the year before. Oh how I thought I was proud of that little accomplishment. It didn't satisfy me though. Nothing satisfied me. What I began hungering for couldn't be sated by accolades, wins, or championships. The emptiness I felt within hungered for violence. For blood.

It was during the 4th bout of my second season that I fed it a sacrificial lamb. It's been so often wondered why I attacked poor, little Exa Cution. Was there bad blood between us? Had we been trading words all bout? What could have caused me to snap? Truth is she didn't do anything. She was just there. I skated up towards her and I was just suddenly so filled with disgust and anger. It was so strong. I felt the emptiness within expand and take over a part of my mind.

Next thing I knew I was on top of her. Her hair in my hand...her destiny in my control. I remember the exhiliration I felt as my arm extended repeatedly. Her face smashing into the unforgiving side of the track. The blood spurting onto me. Her blood. Her soul. Her future. All covering me in crimson. Oh god when her forehead begin to break apart I though I wasn't going to be able to breathe. Not because it upset me that chunks of bone were sticking out through the skin of her head, but because it was so intoxicating.

In the end I had claimed both our destinies for myself. Neither of us will ever forget the night that made us both what we are. Me, I had an awakening. A rebirth of my spirit. I had found the answers to the questions that had haunted me for years. I stopped being Holly Caust. I was once again Summer Ashton. I had found my true self. She, on the other hand, got a nifty metal plate in her head that she uses as a weapon, really bad migraines, and a personality. She should be thanking me for the personality. If I hadn't destroyed her face, she'd still be boring.

Sure I was banned and arrested. Hell it's been a long time since the incident and I'm still on fuckin' probation. It was all worth it. In all actuality I think about this too much. It can't be helped. It led to the other defining moment of my life. One I'm not as proud of.

Oh Exa came back. Boy did she ever. The wicked bitch had not only grown a personality, but also a set of balls. She kidnapped the only person on the planet I care about, Vivian Tate. Vivian is former roller derby too. She was Exa's teammate. She was also the only person in the league to take my side when I was banned and in court. Guess Exa felt betrayed. She tortured Vivian for weeks. No one beats on my friend, but me damnit.

Exa made her biggest mistake when she cut off Vivian's ear and sent it to me. I told myself that when we next met the bitch would be leaving in a bag. Oh and we did meet. She used Vivian as a shield. Eventually I managed to piss her off enough to stop hiding behind Vivian and then we go to it. It was my kind of fight. Harsh, brutal, and bloody. She broke my arm, a couple of ribs, and my nose. I broke her face again. In the end I was ready to keep the promise I made to myself. I told myself I could never allow her to live. Unfortunately that was completely ruined by a catatonic, bleeding Vivian.

Caring about someone is the worst thing ever. I'd rather chew broken glass. It's Vivian's fault I didn't kill Exa. I had to look between them and decide which I wanted more: Exa's death or Vivian's life. It was a hard choice. Against my own judgement I chose Vivian's life. It made me sick. I hate doing the right thing. It's just not in my nature. It's not supposed to be in my nature to care or value life though either. I was getting soft. Damn I hated Vivian for that. Sometimes I still do.

Now Exa is still out there somewhere...waiting. I'm waiting too. One day we'll meet again and finish this thing. Till then I've just gotta be patient. It's not one of my virtues. Since roller derby I've been wrestling. Hell I was wrestling when Exa started all that shit. I got tired of the places I was in. The rules were too stuffy. I kept getting fined for other people being injured...and for not making stupid public appearances. Why would I want to go and be around a bunch of people? They are no different than insects to me. I'm a warrior, it's not my job to care about the people that watch me work.

I tried doing something other than wrestling. Fuck, I even hate the word. It's like it diminishes the fact it's a fight in people's mind. I tried being a bouncer for awhile in Vegas. It didn't work out. Not enough violence for my taste. Besides, I was too close to getting arrested again. I don't need that kinda hassle. So I packed up and left. Dragged Viv with me. At least the place I've decided to join has the right kinda vibe. Sin Wrestling.)

Summer Ashton: My kinda playground...